FREE: The Bitter Irony of Satanism
I have established beyond doubt that I do not work well with others. Behind my literary achievements and physical explorations on the LHP, lies a road of crumbling citadels where what could have been can never be all because of how destructive I prove to be to any form.
I worked with the Temple of Hel – but I proved too disruptive.
I worked with Ixaxaar – but proved too disruptive to them.
I worked with Integral Tradition Publishing – briefly – before I proved too disruptive for them.
I tried to gain admission into the IOT – that bastion of chaos whose motto is ‘Nothing is Forbidden, Everything is Permitted’ but they refused me entry on the grounds that I was a Satanist from the Order.
I tried to work with the Tempel ov Blood whose war-cries of Disruption, Infiltration, and Destruction – aptly applied – served only to poison relations between us forever more. Choronzon fall on your knees.
I tried to work with the MLO – but proved too disruptive for them too.
I tried to make my own way with Mvimaedivm, the Black Glyph Society, and the Temple of THEM: But I proved too disruptive and destructive even to myself.
Anton Long once said to me in a reply to my query of my forms clashing with those of the then fledgling WSA: “There is no conflict, only the appearance of conflict”
Yet, I’ve even proved too disruptive for that which so many honour as the Father of Diversity, that group which has made its name on calling for the practice of such activities and complains that the Magian seeks to silence its voice has tried to silence mine. Shugara get behind thee.
In all these groups there are rampant cries or support for others to practice disruption, anarchy, chaos, destruction, acausality, go beyond good and evil, be evil, the sinister, indulge in deception, be a hard man, a new species, go beyond the veils, and bring down the forms that obscure; the roar of propaganda forms a deafening cacophony.
But there is noticable irony in the fact that my energy proved -too- disruptive for all of them and all of my many past employers, friends, associates and so many things I have ever tried to do.
Dawned, the insight of this dynamic and the understanding that leads me to believe that forms do not and can not represent the energies that they seek to define and control.
And that when people claim to desire the presence of certain energies – and those energies present themselves – it turns out they actually meant something else…
Which – is what I’ve been trying to warn those asking for them of, all along. So many groups have urged me to go out and wreak unearthly destruction, rain death and disaster down upon the world and its inhabitants – and I have, rampaged, for years – but when I finally get to their door, the fuckers act surprised to see me!
Has no-one else ever noticed that the cries of war are heavily laden with demands of obedience, control, loyalty, honour, family? That it’s okay to be sent to destroy and strive to be unlimited in power as befitting of a dark master – so long as we don’t destroy those who set us on the path? “Bring Chaos!” many of them demanded of me – “hey wait, not actual chaos!”, they all whispered.sooner or later.
I was surprised to hear more than one seasoned extremist ask me throughout my sojourn to not publish this or that, or subtly suggest that I keep my ideas to myself lest they prove too revealing – too disruptive.
For the longest time – I’ve feared my power and the compulsion to Be Myself.
The fear of escaping free to Be made me controllable and allowed me to be persuaded to channel my energies into certain forms. I changed myself to fit containers – fit expectations and imposed limits on what I was and what I was capable of to suit others.
I once pained over my destructive energy; watched it burn castles and drawbridges with its raging inferno; felt guilt for what I was and what I did. I anguished and lamented at my own nature to destroy everything it touched.
I’m free now though. Free.
I have now Chosen not to be ashamed of my destructive power; to finally embrace My power and revel in the fullness of My nuclear intensity and My will to power. I now see what I didn’t see. What they all saw, and feared. Me, Free.
A Spiritual Orphan of the LHP.
Whatever that means.