In Sinister Solidarity
[Dangerous Knowledge to the Uninitiated]
The moment a person is set free from Time; free from living in the Matrix under the thrall of the Ego;- that developed “I” that gives us animation and the illusion of free-will so necessary to feel ‘human’ – is the moment that psychic Security is undermined.
What allows us to have control in life is the feeling that we are Prescient – and for this, an image of who we are needs to develop over time that allows us to fit into the society we live in. At least, this is usually the goal of guardians raising a child for a number of reasons; some of the major are a) socialization is a necessary means of survival; b) there are strong sanctions made against persons who show a marked destructive/creative capacity that is at odds with societies rules: and c) all children are naturally sociopaths and for society to be possible: children must be trained to be subservient for the parents well-being, for the child’s well-being; and well-being means authoritative control.
We spend a lot of time learning about the world around us; and at first we only manage simplistic terms such as a “Rainbow is colourful”. As children we accept this readily enough; but will eventually come to understand that our guardians are fallible and often hypocritical.
When we get older we will be able to comprehend that a rainbow has seven colours; when we get older still that a rainbow is made up of light; and later still that Light is made up of wavelengths; but eventually we will come to understand that all that we have been taught as fact, is valid only if we believe an authority.
When we are told at university that no-one actually knows what light is, realize that our religion doesn’t have the answers we need, or witness the hypocrisy of our guardians- there are corresponding occurrences of fallibility.
Those with children will often be bemused when a child spends a lot of time animating/personificating a teddy bear and pretending it is real and they try to play along with the child’s fantasy. For some time the child will agreeably let the guardian add concepts such as the teddy is walking, the teddy is hiding; but then all of a sudden something as simple as “the teddy is drinking” will cause a solemn response from the child to the effect of “its not a real bear you know”. These innocent unexpected moments of seriousness are signs of the child’s growing powers of reason to test fallibility. For some children: this is the breakthrough needed to begin becoming autonomous. So it is about this time, that the Ego begins to develop.
Such growth is of course carefully monitored, controlled, steered and guided by, guardians of the Matrix: and in this manner; there tend to be built-in submissions to higher authorities. Be they God, State, Police, Parents, or Ethics. Now, because the Ego is trained early on to work on a Reward/Punishment basis; it finds pleasure/pain in obeying/disobeying certain authorities.
Unless the early Ego is given an experience of the fallibility of authorities that causes a re-think of certain notions about the world held dear; it will be happy enough to live out life under the impressions of the world tutored into it; and, once it has decided its Weltanschauung (world-view) it will begin to solidify notions and schemata for the means of maintaining a set stasis. I.e. it will become hardened and resistant to new ideas, in its bid to control the world from the seat of its new identity, the “I”. And pending on how fragile the Ego – will even become violent when challenged. Some Ego’s are flexible; and will be able to accommodate one or two drastic changes and can usually bend a little as means of compromise. But very few have the elasticity caused by seeing continued fallibility in authoritative figures and notions during early formation that cause the socialization of the Ego to be improperly executed. We teach socialization by simplistic repetitions; and we are shaped by virtue of simplistic repetition to LIKE a specific and unchangeable world. When something that is a god to a child is shown to be infallible it is often confusing and a shock to the Ego; it throws things into question and causes a re-examination of ones ideas and a rejection of some of those ideas. It is an uncomfortable moment of insecurity and fear that we suddenly have lost control of our matrix; but for most there is always someone to reassure us of the Validity of that God, or somehow comfort us and this actually coaxes us away from facing that fear and examining what it is. But it can’t always be so. The number of human’s means there will always be anomalies to the equation.
Some, will not be comforted by the explanations of others or soothed by the means of rhetoric; indeed, some will be angry and affronted that they have been tricked into being shaped the way they have by others; to being controlled by laws that previously seemed sacrosanct. And with the fallibility of, for example, seeing police beat innocent bystanders, or hearing of a case of a wrongful imprisonment, they will question such authority and subsequently come to reject the musical lull of the fawners in the Matrix. They will attempt to seriously re-examine their lives, their ideas, who they are, and why they are here. This will often result in a quest.
If such a Quest is heuristic, or Satanic, it will usually involve in-depth examination of all authorities as the Satanist seeks to embody the rebellious archetype of Satan. The type of mind that loses faith in authorities and openly questions/rebels against them – is in the eyes of the World, Sinister in its being. The type of mind that loses faith in authorities will closely scrutinize them and with enough study see right through each of them and understand them for the illusions they are. The vulgar truths that are revealed via such study can incite intense anger and profound indignation as well as a feeling of being lost in an ethereal nightmare.
The illusions of the Matrix are arranged just like a house of cards: the same way we are taught concepts one by one as children; the same way breaking those concepts causes concepts associated with them to fall down. One by one the destruction of each will cause part of the intellectual world to crumble away as though the backdrops of the world were peeled off and a vast network of wire frame were to be seen underneath: viz. the infinity of the Angles.
Such a disturbing/disappointing find often leads to a renouncement of the quest and the path to madness or mediocrity; as in desperation the Ego will fix its gaze on an object in order to cling to its last shred of truth in the Matrix. Without something to cling to, it fears it will lose all control and security and find itself alone, divorced from the convenient reality of others. And if it can let go of the Matrix, it will, in a very frightening, chaotic place with no rules that some call the Unknown and others know as the Abyss.
Such a “dis-covery” if it does not destroy the Ego and render the organism senseless – often experienced as apathy, nihilism, suicide, depression – will if followed in due course strip away Everything that was held dear in the foundation of the Ego. It is thus important to understand this process and work on dream channelling, psychic-exploration, and other means of establishing a true self to fall back on, and BE, when the Ego is eventually dissolved.
A being should expect to have great difficulty in coming to terms with stepping out of the matrix and not being able to go back to believing in the world it knew. The deconstruction of reality leads to a disintegration of the ego and conversations and actions of everyday are all revealed for what they are; dependant on the Matrix. Without the convenience of a surrounding structure the Ego loses it function to act as a psychic safety net that provides the security or comfort of knowing what to do with your Being, what it is Being, or how it should act.
It is for a long time a seemingly permanent separation of one’s existence from the real – and a plunge in the chill dark of the esoteric. It is an intense moment entering the Angles, and it has not been written about by any Mage I have studied or learnt from. One might consider this a separation from God and the aim of Satan himself translated into human terms – But it is only the beginning.
Unless you are willing [and by willing I mean possessed of a demonic dynamic wyrd to truly KNOW – a true Satanist] to keep going further into the Angles; you will have only come half way; and you will feel extreme anguish that there is no foundation that you can trust. You will feel as though you are New, here. The inanity of others who continually refer to aspects of the Matrix that is still real for them will grate on your nerves like nothing you know. Unless you construct an alternate Sinister matrix for the Self to survive in: the horrible things that stalk the Angles will devour you. I don’t just mean the torturous logic, uncertainties, doubts, and fears, inability to explain to your Matrix-entrenched loved ones what is “wrong” with you or wrong with the world – I mean real Demons.
The reason for building a Sinister matrix is the same reason for building the Self: breaking out of the Matrix poses an immediate danger of lack of control over your external form and others perceptions of its constructive function in Society. Adjustment takes time and may put you in a vulnerable state. You face the scrutiny of others and potentially the threat of chemical/physical imprisonment by the State. But the mind and body must be preserved to continue consciously directed growth. The Sinister Matrix is a means of perception that perceives world content as a blank slate, as though it were all black clay over which some have put signposts and tents and coloured flags, and others have built enormous castles and armies of coloured plastic. Much of the clay has been brightly carpeted to cover its dense impenetrable truth, but these illusions and concealments do not fool. Shapes made from this black clay or “matter” visible to the eye are understood to be creations moulded into shape only by the hands and wills of others, and able to be re-shaped by ones own will into another form. Nothing made of the black clay is permanent. We are not absorbed with the signposts and bright flags – that is the realm of illusion and Semantic knowledge. Our quest is with Intuition, of the “Black Clay”.
Once you have peeled away the wall-paper of the Psyche – and all authorities lay slain and dead at your feet, there is only one place that your Quest can lead you; back unto your Self. Annihilation of the intellectual Matrix does not annihilate “you”. The prescience of “You” will be an immediate puzzle under your own constant scrutiny; and for this it is necessary to develop the power to split into different parts of your Psyche. Now you know why. Because this stripping away cannot be understood by those who haven’t undergone it: because you must travel to an Unknown plane according to the specific dissolving elements of your Ego: and because the words, advice of any kind of authority cannot sate you: the Quest of the Left-Hand Path is a Sinister, and Solitary one.
Despite the esoteric frustration you will initially experience when your being reanimates the slain Ego under new control of the Self – the fragility of words, ideas, notions, images, meanings, etc – you will eventually understand these fragments do not form a whole: or if they do, it is a whole that will be entirely dependant on your will: thus do not need to be logically understood but irrationally allowed to whirl about your mind [for this is the source of material for re-creating the Matrix and becoming a God within it] and the more immediate problem of your Being, your body, the life-force that you can feel somewhere in your animation becomes apparent. Because you have chosen a Satanic Quest: to be like Satan: experiencing the Matrix and the Abyss will not be enough. Knowing what the very heart of the words “Satan” and “God” are and represent at their finest level will not sate you: you will want to know what it is that animates you, what it is that resists against you if not a chair: but a tangle of angles that has thus far been lumped “Matter”. It is a Quest that THEM are still on.
Meanwhile, you will have your feet in two different worlds, one of the Matrix in which you may learn Semantic Knowledge to indulge in your whims as a creative/destructive God, now knowing the secret weaknesses and fragility of all forms. And the other foot in the Abyss, by which you may dissolve your temporary Ego and intellectually modify or alchemically alter to give yourself a type of reason or thought that allows you to change perspective so that you may perform in the Matrix super-human feats of thought and action and override the usually strict encompassing rigidity of the average Ego that says DON’T: because you are no longer bound to obey it: because you are now, “in league with the Devil”.